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Ambassador of Hope and Resiliency
Speaker | Consultant | Patient Advisor

Cindy's Blog

Controlling the Uncontrollable


I know the title of this post is misleading. Things are rightly called “uncontrollable” simply because they cannot be controlled. We all have things like this in our lives— the weather, health issues, the behavior of other people and aging to name a few. I often speak about controlling the things we can control and letting go of the things we can’t. That sounds like such good advice and so easy to do: Just let go of those things that you can’t control

However, I knache-19005__180ow it is not easy. Like you (I’m assuming) there are things in my life that I cannot control. Lupus might top that list. The health and well-being of family members and friends would come in a very close second. If you’ve read many of my blog posts or heard me speak, you know that I frequently say that we teach what we most need to learn. And boy, oh boy is this letting go of the things I can’t control one lesson that I am definitely remedial in!!! I have learned lots of things along the way, such as I am much better able to let go of things after a good night’s sleep. Yes, my resilience is directly tied to the number of restful hours I sleep each night. I also know that talking things out helps me. It often seems that the annoying little voice in my head that keeps replaying the recording of the things that are bothering me never seems to quiet down or sleep. I find it helpful to drown it out by repeating over and over to myself that those little vignettes of possible negative outcomes are not winning any Oscar awards and should be shelved permanently.

Yes, I’ve learned all these things over and over and over again. Yet, I still find myself getting overwhelmed at times when all around me seems to be spinning wildly out of control. I stand in the middle of the tornado looking for things to grab onto and control. It doesn’t work. It is much more helpful for me to spend my time doing and focusing on things that help me relax. Painting is one of these things, so is writing, coloring, watching good movies and sometimes going for a walk. Yet even a walk can be tricky, because the pesky little negative outcome recordings can slip in if my mind’s not occupied. Listening to an audio book often helps move those worrisome “what if” clips to the back burner.

Sometimes people assume that, because I speak professionally on these topics, I must always handle everything well. I need to set the record straight on this assumption. I too get angry, I too get overwhelmed and depressed, and I too often handle situations poorly. But, I do try my best to focus on the positives in my life, and I do my best to focus on the things that bring me joy, especially in times of high stress. And, sometimes, I just crawl under the covers with a good book and hope that tomorrow will be better. I am human after all!

One Comment

  1. What has helped me is learning to stay where my feet are. I also learned what tickers me..and i avoid getting to that point. Lupus can be controlled better for me by pacing myself and taking turns. Today i get to be the boss tomorrow I xlet lupus have say so. This mental game has helped me regain control of an out of control situation.

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